You know those commercials that run night and day, encouraging Diabetics to make one easy phone call to receive a scooter that the supplier will bill to Medicare? Well for one thing, I think we need to talk about how/why Diabetes became the Disease of Free Stuff. For another, I hope those fake philanthropists are also sending their free-to-you-we’ll-bill-the-government contraptions to vets who are returning from Iraq and Afghanistan without legs. But those are issues for another post.
I’m still on cars.
The United States has such a gaggle of government bodies…between states, cities and whatever the hell the District of Columbia is…that it is easier on my fingertips and your eyes to refer to it en masse as The Government. Leviathian Government, actually, but LG is already taken as a monogram.
Picture this, then tell me all the reasons why not.
The Government buys up all of GM’s tired passenger car inventory to replace and standardize Government Fleets. If GM doesn’t have enough passenger cars to equip our standing army of Protected Government Employees, The Government can also scour the Ford and Chrysler inventories.
Once those inventories of already-outdated models are pressed into public service, THEN give the stubborn and visionless automakers money to re-tool for alternative energy vehicles. AEV’s rock and roll. SUV’s duck and cover.
Speaking of re-tooling and oversized/outdated vehicles, does each automaker really need to make vans, SUV’s and trucks? Or, since there are three automakers and three uneconomical/unenvironmental classes, might each automaker specialize in one behemoth? And how ’bout a surcharge at time of purchase, to offset their disproportionate wear and tear on our roads? There’s no such thing as a free pothole.
Anyway, let’s pretend that GM is now car-less, with only its Big Wheels to unload…which it can readily do if the price is right. I can already hear the marketing wheels turning: Oversized Event! Big vehicles at small prices! And just like that, GM is vehicle-less.
You know those Smart Cars? And you know how we like to talk about American Exceptionalism? America needs, and GM can make, a smarter car. Note that Genius and Gifted both start with G…but, I agree, Gifted Car doesn’t resonate and Genius Motors would be something of a lie.
Copying someone else’s good idea and slapping a new name on it is quintessential American commerce, is it not? Style-wise, picture a blend of the Smart Car and the Mini Cooper…voila, the hybrid Go Motors.
You know those luggage cart concessions at airports? Put your money or your credit card in, slide the cart out of bondage and off you go?
Now picture that with Go Motors, not just at airports and train stations but also around town. Cash won’t get you in the door, of course, that would be an invitation to rent a get-away car, but your authorized credit card will. Rent-A-Ride. Lots and lots of people only need cars from time to time.
The I.D. numbers of the little whizzers would be prominent on their roofs, along with tracking devices inside. You don’t want anyone to know where you go, don’t rent ‘em. EZPZ. I don’t presume to know the formula but it seems fairly straightforward that the mileage was at A when you gained access with your credit card and at B when you logged out/returned the car. It costs X/day to rent the cutie, plus Y/mile. Maybe it’s W for a half day and Z for a full day, I don’t know, but I DO know that it’s simple number crunching to come up with the optimum price.
Think not sizable profit on millions of rentals, but modest profit on multi-millions of rentals. Feed the classes, dine with the masses. Feed the masses, dine with the classes.
The insurance angle is its own Devilish Detail, as ever, but that is true for each vehicle and each vehicle owner. There is obviously a formula. On the one hand, major damage shall have to be attributable to the renter. On the other hand, we will have to be less finicky about minor scratches and dents.
Once upon a long ago and far away time, a driver had been hired to take me around to see the sights of Paris. Remember the Talent Agent Slash Hustler Max in The Sound of Music? “I like the way rich people live. I like the way I live when I’m with them.” What a very nice man that driver was, and what a bleedin’ menace on the road.
It seemed to me. But then I realized he was no worse than any of the other menaces on the road. Driving in Paris was as different from driving in Los Angeles as bowling is from bowling with bumpers in the gutters.
“How many accidents have you been in?” I couldn’t not ask…I was white knuckling it.
“Never.”
“Really?” I literally could not contain my skepticism. ”I must say, I am astonished…it seems like you might be in one weekly, if not daily.”
I have never forgotten what the free-wheeling Frenchie said then.
“Oh METAL, many times…but never a person.”
If metal was damaged but no person was injured, it didn’t signify.
In the United States of America, a person of 18 brief years can volunteer to die for our country. That same soldier cannot rent a car. Eighteen to vote. Eighteen to die for your country. Twenty-one to drink legally. Twenty-five to rent a car. Nuthin’ for nuthin’ but we have got our priorities all KINDS of screwed up.
We value cars more than people…damning evidence abounds.
Anyway, Go Motors for no-muss, no-fuss rentals but also for purchase. Plain, economical run-arounds could become GM’s bread and butter.
Then, trust me on this, ALLOW GOLF CARTS ON CITY STREETS. Look to Peachtree City, Georgia for the rules and regulations, they’ve got it down. Back and forth to schools, back and forth to extracurricular activities, back and forth to medical appointments, back and forth to churches, back and forth to meetings, back and forth to stores, back and forth to pick up the one thing you went to the market for but forgot, these are errands and obligations that require transportation but really do NOT require heavy metal.
Overkill is overkill, with gadgetry as with weaponry.
I heard that one in 450 households faces foreclosure…and Mustang, Camaro and Challenger are all coming out with souped-up-but-toned-down Muscle Cars. Toys for Boys, eh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. The boys.
The toys, I dunno, I think maybe we CAN live without them for a spell…say, just while we’re at war and the economy teeters on collapse, and while we figger out what the hell we mean by Change.
Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles
Westwood Blvd., Los Angeles
Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles
Wilshire & Santa Monica, Los Angeles
