Annie, Git Yer Gun

November 6th, 2009

ftp-annieoakley

 

I am a Political Newbie. Or Noobie. Or Noob.

Y’know why?

‘Cause I’ve only been immersed in this crapola for roughly three years, which is to say that I am not a member of the Elite comprised of Lifetime Political Activists. And make no mistake, Lifetime Political Activism IS an oh-so-elite Elite. Political Activism is the flip side of the coin that keeps the Moneychanger Game tilted in favor of the Effete Elite.

Barack Obama is Effete Elite.

The Sierra Club is Effete Elite.

Rahm Emanuel is Effete Elite.

The ACLU is Effete Elite.

The George Bushes are Effete Elite.

PETA is Effete Elite.

The Bill Clintons are Effete Elite.

MoveOn is Effete Elite.

Again and again, it seems advisable to simply jump into the middle of Issues without researching either “side.” Here’s why. If it’s been an Issue for a long time, neither side is right and/or neither side is doing it right . . . or it wouldn’t still be an Issue. No collective is that stupid. Even a broken clock is right twice each day.

When we were young – when we never ONCE worryied about the roof over our heads or the food on our table, never ONCE fretted over medical or dental care, never ONCE confronted unaffordable education or transportation – we WERE chastised to consume plates of food we detested because there were children starving in Biafra.

Did that ever make ANY sense to ANYONE? Even as a child, the solution was obvious to me. The cooked carrots that make me gag? Don’t make ME eat them, rather, SEND them to the starving children. How on God’s green earth could obliging me to eat food that I was known to hate do ANYTHING toward mitigating starvation in Africa? Send them the sweet potatoes and coconut, while you’re at it.

That was in the 1960’s.

It’s 2009. Children are STILL starving in Africa. CLEARLY, the people who profess to “help” are not helping, or there wouldn’t be even more children still starving in Africa. I would remind us that we DO still destroy crops and/or pay farmers NOT to plant, in order to bolster-read-that-manipulate market prices.

Which, in a round-about-you-had-to-be-there kinda way, brings me to Gun Control.

Gun Control presents an interesting variation on the Lucrative Circular Argument paradigm in at least one regard. Generally speaking, the Gun Guys are not effete. Which begs the question, what’s the problemo?

In those of the taxpayer-funded facilities that still have textbooks, “we” familiarize our young ‘uns with our Constitution in Middle School. Middle School. Teenie Boppers. This is not rocket science. In fact, I will go out on a limb and suggest that the only thing that IS rocket science is rocket science.

Our Constitution is unambiguous in ensuring our right to Bear Arms. Moreover, our founding principles unambiguously COMMAND us unto vigilant defense of same, including by force if need be. Does or does not “defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic” ring a bell?

Is anyone unclear about the foreign/domestic dichotomy?

Alrighty then, here’s the deal.

I need protection. I need weapons. My country needs protection. My countrymen need weapons. It is sad, scary, outrageous, take your pick. Until rather recently, it was unthinkable. But it is NOT complicated.

I declare my belief that among those who champion Gun Control, we not only have Traitors positioned in our midst, we have Traitors positioned in power. That there’d be whatcha call Enemies Domestic.

I’m not saying that every Anti-Gun Activist is a Terrorist. God KNOWS that Do Goodery is one of the few surpluses that America steadily runs. Ill-advised, ineffectual, inefficient Do Goodery, you bet – we have so much of it we could EXPORT it, and we do.

But I AM saying that some of those Anti-Gun Activists ARE Terrorists. In particular, the ones who are labeling dissidents as terrorists are Terrorists. I declare my conviction that we have Traitors in government.

Which is why I and FIFTY-THREE MILLION other single women need guns.  In every house, every apartment, every glovebox, every handbag.  Think, ECONOMIC STIMULUS.  Moreover, because we are inexperienced, and because threat is so nigh upon us as to have its own color scheme — that constitutes a commitment in Girl World — we need semi-automatic guns. Not NEED as in want, but as in REQUIRE. And DEMAND.

What the hay, we is Survivors, maybe we need AUTOMATIC weapons.  To level the SKILLZ playing field.  Tell me, what do the Secret Service carry?  We’ll have what THEY’RE having.

American single women are UNMISTAKABLY citizens upon whom stronger, meaner, armed predators regularly inflict assault, rape, murder and assorted carnage. If we are not entitled to sidearms, semi-automatic weapons and concealed-carry permits, then Washington High Flyers can henceforth roll without Secret Service and other extraordinary taxpayer-funded protection. The PIGS are not more equal to the other ANIMALS.

Barack Obama has enjoyed a larger, cushier, costlier, taxpayer-funded Secret Service bubble since earlier in his campaign than any presidential candidate in our history. Why? Because he apprehends danger, that’s why. (And because he is a Spender Extraordinaire, but that is a separate obscenity.) I ALSO apprehend danger, and I have been here longer than Barack Obama. Got a birth certificate, and everything.

Some of us are NOT more equal than others, or some of us ARE more equal than others . Which is it?

Why are Michelle, Malia, and Sascha Obama better protected than me? Greatness by association? Let us bear that in mind, then, when it comes time to assigning Guilt. History has not been kinds to CZARS and their families. To point out the obvious, to point to HISTORY, does NOT constitute advocating violence. I don’t advocate violence. Who advocates violence? Psycopaths and Profiteers, that’s who. No sir-ree, I will NOT allow others to stir up the anger and the danger, then order me to hesh up about the naked Commanders, Congressmen and Czars that are careening around my living area.

I cry foul.

I cry discrimination of different sorts and basest order.

American government unabashedly declares the lives of its “official” members and the lives of the official’s family members to more valuable than unofficial people’s lives. Where is the normally abnormally noisy Sanctity of Life crowd? I spy cowardice and/or hypocrisy.

Remember when we were young and sibling rivalry/torture/mayhem got outta hand? Ultimately, an adult would march in and, drowing out a whiney flurry of he-did-this-she-said-that, they would bellow that they didn’t care WHO started it, THEY were finishing it. My sentiments exactly, on Gun Control.

What’ll it be? Gurlz ‘n Guns, or an ACLU-caliber, class-action lawsuit mounted by Baby Boom Women? I would remind those with a pronounced tendency to disregard facts that dispute their theories of these simple truths:

Baby Boomers = largest conceptual demographic and voting bloc ever born in America.

Sustainedly, # of women born > # of men born + # of surviving women > # of surviving men.

I’LL do the math. Naught, naught, carry the two. Baby Boom Women are single largest demographic >> Baby Boom i.e. Menopausal Women = THE voting bloc to court.

I guaran-effing-tee the Powers That Be, several of whom Be-long in prison, that tens of millions of Hot Flashes will put a whole new spin on Firefight.

I Don’t Care WHO Started It

November 5th, 2009

If you are conversant in Leave It To Beaver, I’m talkin’ to you. Wally and Beaver, natch, Ward and June, Whitey, Larry Mondello, Lumpy/Clarence…Eddie Haskell.

cleavers-copy-2

If you grew up with Etch A Sketch and Bazooka Bubble Gum and Slinky and Silly Putty and Tinker Toys and Lincoln Logs, I’m talkin’ to you.

etch-a-sketch-copy-2
Forget high-tech skate boards with bearings and bushings. If you clattered along on metal skates that were secured to your shoes with a skate key that was worn around the neck with something like pride, or if you whizzed down hills in homemade go-carts the rudimentary engineering of which entrusted stopping to improvisation rather than brakes, I’m talking to YOU. If anyone is giving a thought to opening a Fifties Diner, I invite them to consider labeling the bathrooms Hoola Hoops and Pogo Sticks.

If you are familiar with candy cigarettes and candy necklaces, S&H green stamps, the Fuller Brush Man, Barnum & Bailey’s Greatest Show on Earth, the Harlem Globetrotters, the Ice Capades, the Viet Nam war, The Draft, man taking one small step and mankind taking one giant leap on the moon, supposedly…if you remember exactly where you were when President Kennedy was shot…I’m talking to you.

jfk-funeral-copy

I’m talking to you if Saturday mornings started with cartoons. Popeye, Mickey Mouse, MIGHTY Mouse, Goofy, Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, Quickdraw McGraw, Deputy Dog, Baby Huey, Tweetie Bird, Rocky & Bullwinkle…Johnny Quest. The late morning line-up might include The Lone Ranger and My Friend Flicka…Sky King marked the end of kid-friendly programming.

Your parents may or may not have obliged you to watch the Lawrence Welk Show, but there was only one TV and you were NOT changing the channel. Gunsmoke, I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, Lost In Space, Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Ozzie and Harriet…Ed Sullivan.

My Three Sons, Mannix, Petticoat Junction, Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Laugh In, Star Trek, The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch…Johnny Carson. Hee Haw, for those who hail from Redneck.

Annual physicals, school uniforms, family vacations, teeth cleanings, college educations, food on the table, roof over the head, bills in good standing — Lower Middle Class, Middle Class, Upper Middle Class — born in the 1950’s in these United States, My People, I AM TALKING TO YOU.

When I type in all capitals, that’s the tipoff that I’m shouting — it comes from John Irving’s “A Prayer For Owen Meany”. Familiarity with that book would be helpful as a frame of reference.

I believe that we are called upon to act. I believe that responsibility for the Crisis falls largely to us. I believe that this, now, is our defining moment. What’s it all about, Alfie? Is that all there is? An amazing confluence of events is here before us, the demands of which might establish the purpose of an entire lifetime, if we will but bravely take up the challenge.

I come from a family of seven, a not uncommon size amongst Baby Boomers. When an assembly of young ‘uns reached a certain decibel of chaos — whether at your house or another’s, at school or on the street — it, it was TYPICAL for an adult to march in and put an end to it. The predictable chorus of who did what would be dispatched with the imperious announcement, “I DON’T CARE WHO STARTED IT, I’M FINISHING IT.”

That’d be whatcha call Moral Authority.

America used to have international Moral Authority. By BEING American, WE used to have international cache. GONE. All of it. How does one People squander so much so quickly? Today, America can only effectuate behavior by armed or economic force.

The Federal Government used to have domestic Moral Authority. GONE. All of it. How does arguably the most brilliant system of government ever devised devolve so quickly into a political cesspool better known for scandal than statesmanship? Today, the Federal Government can only effectuate behavior by armed or economic force.

Even as America is under threat from big-talkin’ bullies, America IS a big-talkin’ bully.

America is a big-talkin’ bully because there are Bad Guys in strategic positions who are freewheeling with impunity — all bets are off as to means, methods and morals — and we are LETTING them get away with it. We are afraid, and I don’t blame us. These be ruthless sons-of-bitches. But PLEASE tell me that we do not mean to simply LET them get away with it. For a historical reference, that would be like Wild West townspeople simply accepting that Bad Guys will be Bad Guys and that they will, from time to time, ride through town and shoot the place up before, during or after robbing the bank. Never fighting back. Never hiring an effective sheriff. Just letting Bad Guys do their thing . . . while praying for a brighter future, natch.

I mean to confront my generation. Are we or are we not going to do something about Bad Guys running this country AND MANY PEOPLE right into the ground? Typing disapproval year after year does not constitute Resistance. Are we determined to right this floundering ship of state, or are we content to say ‘I told you so’ when it runs aground?

I have never had to personally deliver the news that So-and-So is dead. Notifying next of kin must be a dreadful job. But I have several times delivered the hard news that someone IS an alcoholic and that they will NEVER be able to drink normally. It never goes down well. I have twice delivered the hard news that an Oldster cannot drive anymore — that goes over like a lead balloon, too.

Here’s the hard news. Complacency is complicity.

Don’t Fuck With My Truck

November 3rd, 2009

Recently, my brainiac brother-in-law with the Ph.D. in Environmental Engineering remained after quite an investment of time unable to figger out how a piece that clearly belonged ON a coffeemaker actually attached TO the coffeemaker, so that said coffemaker would again make coffee.  A mysterious piece of white plastic on the counter next to a coffeemaker that suddenly won’t make coffee, when it is the same color and finish as the plastic ON the coffeemaker, dispenses with the mystery of WHAT and brings the mystery of HOW into relief.

Opinions R Us.

Hey! Maybe it attaches UNDER this piece, so when that the carafe slides in and presses THIS piece, it presses down on THAT piece  like this.

The proof is in the pudding, eh?

My brainiac brother-in-law muttered under his breath that I have “the engineering sense of Lucy Ricardo.”  Under his breath, like that’s an insult.  On the contrary, I take that as high praise.

I propose to set off into the wild blue yonder on January 1st.  New Year + New Leaf + New Life = Gypsy Journalism.

As ever, it takes money to make money.

Probably a bunch of y’all are rummaging around for the envelope and stamp necessary to the procedure of sending me ONE DOLLAR, and I surely do appreciate that.  Having relinquished myself to Homelessness on the 1st of May, I have TOTAL empathy for how hard it can be to find Stuff.  Stuff that I am TRYING to leave behind, but that has the tenacious stick-to-it-ive-ness of gum on my shoe.  

Bright Ideas do not buy RV’s or gas or equipment or food unless Bright Ideas are SOLD.  Since trucks and truckers are integral to Life On The Road, and since I’m singin’ for my supper, I got to thinkin’ that maybe I could write a SONG for Truckers and that maybe some Good Samaritan Slash Good Ol’ Boy country music kinda guy might BUY it.  Outright. Maybe only ‘cuz he feels sorry for me, but maybe nonetheless.  These are not my proudest moments.  But neither are they my country’s proudest moments, and I didn’t start it.  When in Rome, y’know what I’m sayin’?

Anyhoo, the working title is DON’T FUCK WITH MY TRUCK.  Think of a TRUCK as a man’s OTHER castle.  The little (*)’s indicate my awareness that some manner of hootenanny mumbo jumbo goes there, but far be it from my urban self to presume to know what it is.

DON’T FUCK WITH MY TRUCK

Flyin’ down the highway in the early morning dark

Us, the sun and Son of God work hard to make a buck

The Sun and Son are steady but Man could use some luck

All your Stuff, it comes through us, (*).  WE DRIVE TRUCK.

 

While they argue ‘round and round in little circle jerks

Raise funds and Par-taay, give themselves all the perks

While the gas creeps up and the shipping drops down

And the Independent is stripped of his crown

While men loose castles and city turns ghost town

And telling the Truth gits you an Official Frown

No rain, no snow, no sleet, hail or Heil

Stops us from clocking mile after mile

We keep eyes on poor roads, worse drivers and the puck

We’re the backbone of Consumerism, (*). WE DRIVE TRUCK.

 

Flyin’ down the highway in the early morning dark

Us, the sun and Son of God work hard to make a buck

The Sun and Son are steady but Man could use some luck

All your Stuff, it comes through us, (*)  WE DRIVE TRUCK.

 

While we lost our big rigs one by one

Go bankrupt or go to work for The Man

While you lose your houses ten by ten

Suck it up and go to work for The Man

While the jobs dry up and the storefronts close

And bankers are bailed, not punched in the nose

The goods that arrive at Mother Hubbard’s Cupboard

Arrive by pedal to metal and with coffee on dashboard

While we cower before Servants who forbid us to say FUCK

What game we still got goes by us, (*).  WE DRIVE TRUCK.

 

Flyin’ down the highway in the early morning dark

Us, the sun and Son of God work hard to make a buck

The Sun and Son are steady but Man could use some luck

All your Stuff, it comes through us, (*)  WE DRIVE TRUCK.

 

I agree, now that I see red, it needs some work.  Still, I think it’s got potential.  Like me.

 

My Fellow Americans

October 28th, 2009

My Fellow Americans, meet the Declaration of Independence by which you exist as sovereign and free people:

 

“When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. –Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states…”

 

My Fellow Americans, appreciating that you are daily inundated with bullshit, permit me to highlight an excerpt of an excerpt, that we may absorb it like an ever-effective sound byte.  It’s still kinda long as a slogan for a self-absorbed, attention-deficit population.  Maybe that’s the problem.  Maybe WE BE FREE would resonate better.

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

Make no mistake, the object is Money = Power.  Money to get power, power to protect money. — House of Medici

The Medicis oughtta know.

NO CONFIDENCE VOTE

October 28th, 2009

There, I said it . . . NO CONFIDENCE VOTE.  Let’s have one.  

A national election is scheduled for next year anyway.  We can kill multiple birds with one stone.  That’s there is whatcha call Efficiency. Government doesn’t know anything about Efficiency.  That’s ‘cuz Officials spend Other People’s Money.

Theory has become so much more fashionable than reality that I have been backed into the corner of having to adopt a few of my own. One is that — heresy, I know — the only thing that is Rocket Science is rocket science. Another is that people who reflexively dismiss solutions to abiding problems with a rendition of “It’s more complicated than you realize” are either stupid or insincere.

By EVERY measure, America’s plight is worsening at breakneck speed. Even IF our Government were competent, setting aside boatloads of empirical evidence to the contrary, their “remedies” don’t kick in for months and months.

Follow Me On Twitter, isn’t that what I’m supposed to say by way of shameless self-promotion?

 

MindOfMo Blah blah blah, sez Obama. Yada yada yada, sez Congress. And the Players who caused the CLUSTERF*CK are smiling all the way to their VAULTS.11:31 AM Oct 25th from web

 

MindOfMo American Officials seem not to understand the basics of being broke. Broke means you can’t do every Feel Good thing that pops into yer head.4:33 AM Oct 23rd from web

 

MindOfMo How many members of Congress to screw in a lightbulb? 535, of course. 535 to argue about how to do the screwing, and 535 to do the screwing.2:05 PM Oct 22nd from web

 

MindOfMo THIS MANIACAL PROLIFERATION OF REGULATION IS AN UBER BOON TO BIG LAW. STRONG ARGUMENT CAN BE MOUNTED THAT BIG LAW = PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.11:46 AM Oct 22nd from web

 

MindOfMo It couldn’t be more obvious that this Congressional body is weak and inept. Howzabout a MORATORIUM ON REGULATIONS until after next election?11:31 AM Oct 22nd from web

 

MindOfMo AN ECONOMY CANNOT BE TAXED, FINED AND REGULATED INTO PROSPERITY. NO, IT CAN’T. NOT EVEN BY OBAMA AND THE INTERNATIONAL ELITE WUNDERKINDS.11:02 AM Oct 19th from web

 

MindOfMo Which members of Congress bought bank stocks at rock-bottom prices, then voted to bail those banks out? Inquiring Minds want to know.10:58 AM Oct 19th from web

 

MindOfMo Members of Congress who are over 65 should submit to dementia testing. Gotta think their Alzheimer’s rate mirrors that of the population.10:56 AM Oct 19th from web

 

MindOfMo Quote-Unquote Public Servants convicted of fiduciary malfeasance should be obliged to reimburse the public coffers. And yank their pensions.5:45 PM Oct 18th from web

 

MindOfMo Kindly recall that Chris Dodd and Barney Frank were not just RINGSIDE, they were PARTICIPANTS in the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac meltdowns.5:35 PM Oct 18th from web

 

MindOfMo Congressional forte is screwing up the future by addressing the past’s problems in the present. We HAVE the problems chiefly owing to THEM.7:26 AM Oct 4th from web

MindOfMo Considering the mayhem for which they are distinguished, members of Congress ought not to refer to each other as DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES.7:16 AM Oct 4th from web

 

MindOfMo THE REALITY TEEVEE CROWD WANTS SOME FIREBRANDS IN CONGRESS, WHO HOLLER AND CUSS AND CALL OPPONENTS IMBECILES WHEN THEY PROPOSE STUPID STUFF.7:18 AM Oct 4th from web

 

MindOfMo Congressional workload is chiefly counterproductive busywork that they establish to turn around and tackle. For THAT, they are WAY overpaid.7:22 AM Oct 4th from web


MindOfMo More legislation is NOT solution to capricious enforcement of existing legislation. White Collar Criminals belong in federal penitentiaries.11:39 AM Oct 25th from web

MindOfMo If Congress dropped into a sinkhole with both Houses in session, we could have no greater confusion or ineffectiveness than we have now.3:40 PM Oct 4th from web

 

MindOfMo Fee Fi Fo Fum – We smell the stench of political corruption – Be they elected or be they Czars – Grind their gears til they’re behind bars6:48 AM Oct 4th from web

 

MindOfMo Like Hot Shots Part Deux and the piano off the helicopter, we need to ditch dead weight. That has GOVERNMENT WORKFORCE written all over it.7:39 PM Oct 22nd from web

 

MindOfMo I effing DARE a new crop of politicians to call a spade a spade. Let us replace EVERY seat that comes up in 2010. THAT’S how ya clean House.about 16 hours ago from web

 

MindOfMo De-criminalizing prostitution makes economic AND moral sense. License, regulate and tax it, like other vices. CONGRESS IS ALREADY A BROTHEL.9:56 PM Oct 25th from web

MindOfMo Connivers, Opportunists & Political Strategerists pimp hifalutin notion that toothpaste can always be put back in tube later by THEIR peeps.11:18 PM Oct 26th from web

 

MindOfMo I categorically and unequivocally reject all regulation of speech that serves to protect the Governors from the displeasure of the Governed.9:29 PM Oct 24th from web


McCain AND Feingold can kiss my ass.  ESPECIALLY “Zipper Problem” McCain, who ditched his long-suffering wife for a Budweiser Distributorship Heiress, and who was to the Enron debacle what Dodd/Frank are to the Fannie/Freddie debacle.  The Enron debacle that attended the S & L Crisis, just like the Fannie/Freddie debacle attends the Financial Crisis.  Crisis, like it HIT us.  Like Katrina.  I implore my gullible and forgetful countrymen to recall that this is a MANMADE disaster.

Let us call a spade a spade, for a Change, and admit the REALITY that Government is up to its eyeballs in bullshit.  The good news is, there’s not a damn thing that can’t be fixed with the tools we’ve got.  

Some of them were pricks in their own ways — let us be candid about that, too — but no intelligent person can doubt that our Founding Fathers had a MUCH better game plan than do the current leaders-I-use-the-term-just-as-loosely-as-can-be.  It’s not about starting from scratch.  It’s about getting back to basics.

Let us roll up our sleeves and start shoveling the shit.  No one else is going to do it for us.

 

MindOfMo Taxation involves forcibly relieving people of money that is theirs, i.e. essential Theft. As little of it as possible should be tolerated.3:15 PM Oct 24th from web

 

MindOfMo There is nothing in the world so easy as being generous with Other People’s Money. The troublesome part is if one robs Peter to lavish Paul.3:01 PM Oct 24th from web

 

MindOfMo After robbing Peter aggressively to lavish Paul extravagantly, Peter hates Paul and Paul fears Peter and the Thieves keep right on thieving.3:10 PM Oct 24th from web

 

MindOfMo How much tax would a Tax Man tax if a Tax Man could tax Man? He’d tax all the tax that a Tax Man could if a Tax Man could tax Man.2:12 PM Oct 25th from web

 

MindOfMo This is like playing Monopoly by the rules with a banker who has colored paper, scissors and a Sharpie in his lap. Stupid is as Stupid does.1:32 PM Oct 25th from web

 

MindOfMo WE ARE BEHAVING LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE. Or Cowards.5:52 PM Oct 8th from web

Mister Olaf Childress

October 27th, 2009

My Dear Mister Childress, how came I on your radar
With me on the West Coast and you Alabama afar?
Prior to your email, I was unacquainted with your name
A Google search revealed a brand and measure of fame.

Think we alike on all things, I feel sure it’s not the case
Yet I do defend the right of Men to discriminate by race
By height, by weight, by income, by name or ideology
Individual feelings are inviolate, if Individuals are Free.

Devious, even heinous criminals are expensively defended
While Men with simple druthers are purposefully alienated
We have Racists, so what, always have, less by generation
It is one more protected Minority in a liberty-loving nation.

Free speech is only as free as its extension to the verboten
Liberty does not order us how to feel and who to welcome
Anti-hate is all the rage with Limousine Liberal and PeeCee
But legislating Love exceeds the realm of Constitutionality.

Though I be not an attorney, I will argue Racist defenses
A free man in a free country may feel howe’er he pleases
More than that, given existence, I will argue for representation
But this implies that Racists must embrace some socialization.

Racism like everything else exists with omnipotent God’s okay
Out in the woods and skulking around, the Militia need not stay
Perhaps conflicted loyalties to Racist, Bigot and Blood Brother
Keep Christian soldiers still when evidence warrants muster?

What do I know?  I’m knew at this.  But therein lies my optimism
By your kind invitation to write I might breach a longtime schism
Hide-and-seek Militia and Do Gooders of Scaredy Cat persuasion
Need be clear the enemy is common and the race card is diversion.

Remarks on the Freedom Festival about which first you emailed
And, further, on the hearing for which defense funds were raised
Follow anon, also argument against gun control and permitting
And last but assuredly not least, a case for Patriot matchmaking.

I have fresh eyes, fine mind, American root and clear conscience
But by writing or other endeavor, my Labor needs bear tuppence
I trust Providence and you to gage whether colleague and periodical
Will welcome unto financial support ideas fraternal but not identical.
 
The essays that I submit to you I shall also post online
Singlenessofpurpose.com whereat my work you’ll find
I’ll measure my favor with Patriots and the internets
By such one-dollar bills as are mailed by Rednecks.

A buck, an envelope and a stamp – less than two bucks per person per year for an absence of product pimping. Seems like a good deal to me but, then, I’d be the one receiving the money. Just THINK how cash will drive the IRS bonkers. Good. ‘Bout time Officials learned what it’s like to have to take people’s Word for things. Implausible Endeavors LLC, 8306 Wilshire Blvd. PMB 46, Beverly Hills, CA 90211.

XOXO.

Peace.

WTF? R U 4 Real?

October 26th, 2009

My heavy linguistic hand and fiery Irish temper notwithstanding, I do NOT think that I am always little-l right nor do I think that I have the optimal solution for every problem.  I am not a Politician.  I do not seek Public Office.  I do not want to earn a living in Politics.  I would say that I have untold contempt for Politicians and the Political Process, except that I am CONSTANTLY telling anyone who will listen that American Politics are a national disgrace and that American politicians are up to their eyeballs in bullshit.

[P.C. DISCLAIMER:  Yes, I KNOW that every politician cannot be corrupt, but enough of them are at least looking the other way and keeping their traps shut that the whole class has to stay after school.]

The Great One has declared Swine Flu a national emergency?  How very convenient.  Better than convenient, actually, a Win-Win for the In Crowd.  National Emergency is a hop, skip and a march from Martial Law.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I am feelin’ like my Big Brother is a Bully.  Thankfully, in a you-have-to-survive-it-to-appreciate-it way, I have already endured and bested a Bully Big Brother.  I know how to clean their clocks.

In addition to an excuse to further crack down on a beleaguered citizenry, Swine Flu FEAR MONGERING is intended to stimulate demand for the mysterious new vaccine that Obama and his family are themselves avoiding.  Yep sir, I remember reading that THREE doses of the Magic Medicine would be recommended.  Cha-CHING.  Cha-CHING.  Cha-CHING.  Puts a whole new spin on TRIPLICATE, eh?  Imprudently setting aside the obvious economic arguments against artificial stimulation (some might say MANIPULATION) of the markets, a second but not secondary travesty lies in the uncreative and minimal-value-added ways in which they are going about it.  Government is NOT the innovation sector.  

Obama will wait in line like everyone else, is that what the Liar-in-Chief said?  Since WHEN does Obama roll like Common Folk?  Not since he entered that private — nay, EXCLUSIVE — high school in Hawaii.  The one where he struggled for B’s, while writing poetry and shooting hoops (per Suzanne Malveaux’s biography piece on CNN), and from which he was accepted into venerable Columbia University.  With low-end B’s.  I’m still waiting to hear the tab for his Campaign-O-Rama Secret Service.  The Great Gun Grabber, it seems, was afraid of being killed and so obtained more taxpayer-funded Secret Service earlier than any presidential candidate in our history.  Is that incorrect?  I’m willing to learn, as Eddie Izzard brilliantly said in I-forget-which standup routine.

The American People have cause aplenty to not believe a single word that emanates from Officialdom or Corporatedom. That is Truth, with God as my witness.  Let the First Chicago I-Didn’t-Know-Anything-About-Widespread-Corruption Family get shot up with vaccines drawn from a drum of random samples.  Reality TV, baby.  Lead by example, for a Change.

That’s just ONE bit of Dementia Du Jour.

SEVEN AND A HALF BILLION HERE-YA-GO DOLLARS OF TAXPAYER MONEY TO PAKISTAN?  The Middle Eastern countries that AREN’T being blown to kingdom come oughtta be paying US at this point.  Protection money.  Just like American taxpayers are FORCED to pay.  How ’bout this?  How ’bout we suspend ALL foreign aid while we teeter on economic ruination, and also while we figger out who our friends REALLY are?  Lemme guess, it’s more complicated than I realize.

Blah blah blah, sez Congress about Whatever.  Yada yada yada, sez Obama about Everything.  But the proof is in the pudding.  SEVERAL Wall Street Journal front-page headlines have BROADCAST that it’s Business As Usual on Wall Street . . . albeit with “more exotic” investment vehicles.  Those with a penchant for Exotic Investment Vehicles might should consider RICKSHAWS.

The same people who oversaw our descent into financial mayhem are at the helm of the “Recovery.”  Y’know, the Recovery that does NOT feature jobs, that does NOT feature sales and shipping, that does NOT feature Middle Class Prosperity and that does NOT feature emotional upswing.  The foxes are not only still in the henhouses, they are hoarding cash AND whining about the reluctance of investors.  It’s not a Credit Crisis, it’s a C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E Crisis.  And rightly so.  See above, re: foxes still in henhouses.

Is Stanley O’Neal, DISGRACED CEO of Merrill Lynch tied up in depositions and hearings?  No, he is not.  E. (for Earnest, if you can believe it) Stanley O’Neal went seamlessly from overseeing the demise of “Rock Solid Market Wise” Merrill Lynch to sitting on the Board of Directors of ALCOA Aluminum.  All the while hobnobbing with The Swells in New York City. Wanker owes me some money, and Ken Lewis and I are gonna have a word about that before HE beats a premature retreat at the end of this year.

White Collar Criminals belong in federal penitentiaries, I AM capital-R Right about that.  By ANY measure of relative harm, White Collar Criminals are a MUCH greater menace to society than pot smokers or gun toters.  NOT Club Fed, prison CELLS.  Where they can teach letters and numbers to the largest prison population on earth.  The one with the unspeakably low literacy rate.

All this anti-hate and pro-gay crapola?  We already HAVE laws that protect people of whatever persuasion.  Gay-This-Gay-That is ‘cuz we have a bunch of Closet Queens in government.  My opinion, which I am yet free to express.  The anti-hate baloney is a setup to mitigate criticism of Officials — and of course, as ever, to buffer Israel.  My opinion, which I am yet free to express.

Redundant Legislation = Billable Hours 4 Big Law.

I believe Big Law is Public Enemy Numero Uno.  It’s Big Law what keeps Besuited Bad Guys outta prison.

I could go on and on, and quite frequently do.  The further down the rabbit hole I go, the weirder it gets.  I am conjuring a scene from Peggy Sue Got Married, when Peggy Sue and the bad but brilliant biker Michael Fitzsimmons go for a literal and figurative ride.  He waxes on about Jack Kerouac, free spirits, rejecting convention and authority . . .

A writer’s life is his work. Jack Kerouac doesn’t have to kill a bull to have something to write about. I mean, man, he’s out there burning, feeling, grooving on life . . . I’m going to check out of this bourgeois motel, push myself from the dinner table and say, “No more Jell-o for me, mom!” 

It’s like that.

Dump ‘Em All, Babies With Bath Water

October 17th, 2009

VIO, Vote Incumbents Out.  Not VIA, Starbucks’ latest gimmick.

Here’s my plan.  It’s real simple, ‘cuz I have a Middle Aged Brain and also ‘cuz an astonishing number of my countrymen give every impression of being stupid.

VOTE INCUMBENTS OUT.  Every one of ‘em, babies with the bath water.  Clean slate — and let that be a lesson to them. 

But WAAAAH will cry the political junkies and political strategerists who have “favorites” in the race.  It’s not FA-A-A-AIR, they will say.  That’s right — let THAT be a lesson to ‘em, too.

RACE speaks friggin’ volumes about elections, doesn’t it?  You bet, the fastest rat in the pack wins.

If we set to arguing about whose favorites are bestest, we’ll end up arguing right up to the bell and almost certainly achieve less of an impact than is required under the circumstances.  Anyone determined to see bona fide Reform in this country knows perfectly goddamned well that the insertion of a coupla fresh faces into the toxic stew isn’t gonna do diddly squat.

I submit that Lifetime Political Activists don’t really WANT to accomplish diddly squat.  This mad swinging of the pendulum from broomstick-up-your-ass Morality to give-away-not-just-the-farm-but-also-the-country Freewheeling constitutes occupation and industry for another ELITE.  Bully for them, eh?  Scurrying around the country, conjuring up problems and whipping up emotions, then promising to fix the problems if only we will SEND MORE MOENY.  Strategerizing and fundraising . . . people to see, places to go, things to do . . . planes, trains and automobiles . . . too hip, gotta go . . . have your Virtual Assistant get in touch with my Virtual Assistant.

Those few members of Congress who ARE Good — Ron Paul, Michelle Bachmann, Marcy Kaptur, John Bohner, Jim DeMint, I dunno, I dun’t care — can BE good, and step aside for a term while we completely re-populate Congress.  Tell us where the paper clips and staples are, and provide counsel as Elder Statesmen.  Cream rises to the top, re-elect the true team players at earliest opportunity.  Give ‘em a promotion, even.  Ron Paul from the House to the Senate makes serious fiscal sense.

Just say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  And mean it, for a Change.

Gray Is The New Black Market

October 13th, 2009

The cascade of regulations that are streaming out of Washington NASCAR-fast are BEGGING for establishment of under-the-table-behind-the-scenes-tax-free commercial activity.  It stands to Reason.

But Houston, we have a problem.

Black Market is racist. Absolutely. If I am now a racist, so is Black Market. And I’d like to get a load of people’s reactions if judges’ robes were suddenly WHITE. Those black robes are intimidating, and not infrequently cover incompetence.

Let’s see here. White = surrender. Hmmm, no bueno.

Yellow = cowardice. Muy no bueno. Or Yellow means “Elevated” in Department of Homeland Security speak, specifically “Significant Risk of Terrorist Attacks.” Be afraid. Be very afraid.

In addition to Yellow, Homeland Security has dibs on Green (Low), Blue (Guarded), Orange (High) and Red (Severe).

Green = “Low Risk Of Terrorist Attacks” or Environmentally Responsible.

Red = “Severe Risk Of Terrorist Attacks” or Communism. Or red against the evil eye.

Red and Blue are also notorious gang colors.

The ladies who just pulled an abrupt and oh-so-hypocritical 180 to support a surge in Afghanistan can HAVE pink.

The Nazis own brown.

What’s left? Purple so doesn’t work for me.

Alternative speaks to Gay.

Underground speaks to illegal and unsavory. Or to slavery — THAT won’t do.

Gray, maybe. Gray speaks to age and wisdom — a presumption of sophistication. Gray speaks to shadows.

We’re talkin’ American Ingenuity, here — clever and resourceful, smart and scrappy. People trading peaceably amongst themselves to mutual benefit, whatever shall we call it?

Ah, Free Market.

Packaging Over Product

October 12th, 2009

Packaging Over Product is the the gadget-n-gizmo equivalent of Style Over Substance.  Untold of the earth’s resources are routinely SQUANDERED on fancy, often oversized, often Fort Knox-y PACKAGING. 

TaggingBehold the array of tags, fasteners and decorations that came from one  one t-shirt, one sweatshirt and one cheap-y storage bin.  Is this or is this not overkill for three items the combined value of which fell well under $100?

I can provide scores of examples.  Over-the-counter DRUGS the containers large enough to hold four times as many PILLS as are in the PLASTIC.  Random office supplies hermetically sealed with such sturdiness that OTHER office supplies must be brought to bear to gain entre.  Needless to say, this is problematic when the scissors that are required to open a package are in the package that requires opening.

I’m not gonna lie.  A lot of what constitutes commerce in America is really just mindless busywork.

Wasted resources.  Wasted time.  Wasted LIFE.  Marginal-to-zero value added.