To the untrained eye – untrained in weaponry and untrained in politics, and unclear whether there is meaningful difference between Force and Compulsion – it seems that the American love affair with Alphabet Agencies belies laziness and cowardice. Avoidance scheme after regulation scheme after taxation scheme after welfare scheme are dolled up with coy acronyms that we adopt with the same alacrity as if they were babies left on church steps. We adopt them and then we raise them, feeding them and nurturing them like beloved children who we fantasize will take care of us in our old age.
If we adopt enough of them and if we beef them up sufficiently, they will right all the wrongs that are “more complicated than we realize.” All the illogical and unjust it-is-what-it-is’s will be magically eradicated by Alphabet Agencies.
Joan Didion wrote a book about her experience of Grief at the death of her longtime and dearly beloved husband, “The Year of Magical Thinking.” Wikipedia sums up the concept of Magical Thinking thusly and rightly, “thinking that if a person hopes for something enough or performs the right actions that an unavoidable event can be averted.”
Magical Thinking is running rampant in America, and no amount of evidence seems adequate to insinuate Reason back into analysis. We MUST have those bailouts to avert disaster, we CAN’T let automakers go bankrupt. Brief months later, Bailout Bonanza Bucks have been shoveled at automakers and GM/Chrysler is going into bankruptcy.
No one even looks back as far as last fall – um, er, weren’t the bailout bucks spent to AVOID bankruptcy? So we get both? Bankruptcy AND Bailout Bonanzas? From where I sit, in the cheap seats, those Bailout Bucks look suspiciously like Parting Gifts. I would remind my gullible countrymen that Government never tires of instructing us the hard way, with penalties and prisons, that IGNORANCE IS NOT A DEFENSE.
Where did all the bailout bucks go? How were they spent? Let us have an accounting, please, or let us dispense with the Government Accounting Office — GAO for short, and for short-sighted.
Let us take to task the members of Congress who willfully wasted those bailout bucks over public protest. House and Senate Committees on Standards of Official Conduct, known simply as Ethics Committees – perhaps because COSOC reminds of Cossack – can also be eliminated. A child would understand the absurdity of people policing and reprimanding themselves. I would remind my gullible countrymen that Tom DeLay was censured THREE TIMES prior to his actual fall from grace. And HAS he fallen from grace, or does he still opine politically with MSM reception?
I sense that taxpaying citizens would be willing to volunteer their services to an independent watchdog agency – WE THE PEOPLE can ride herd on our representatives, rounding up stragglers and shooting in the head those who are too corrupted to continue. They shoot horses, don’t they? Yep, also horse thieves.
People Protecting People from Politicians, the PPPP, will be a watershed for New & Improved alphabet agencies including but not limited to:
VOTING: Vote Out The Incumbents Now, Goofballs
Self-explanatory. It is hoped that addressing American citizens as Goofballs, which is more playful and endearing than Sheeple or Morons, will open their eyes to the ridiculousness of sending the same bastards back to Congress again and again.
IINIINN: Is It Necessary, Is It Necessary Now?
This will serve as the litmus test for Congressional spending. In conversation and debate, articulating the actual name is more efficient than pronunciation of the acronym. But the acronym will be a tremendous time and space saver on the many many many many many pages that Legislators require to formulate a bill.
HUNHO: Hand Up, Not Hand Out
This agency is devoted to dismantling here-ya-go Welfare by stipulating that no one gets something for nothing. At the lowest end, where the paupers and homeless dwell virtually, they shall be required to keep clean one designated area. With brooms made of twigs, like they do in Mexico. They will develop pride – not of ownership, but of guardianship. Because crime will rise with worsening economic conditions and also because Crime Pays In America, vagabonds-turned-fixtures and beggars-turned-cleaners will be able to assist both Law Enforcement AND Crooks in their appointed rounds. They can first alert Crooks to alarm systems and absences, and then they can alert Police to the Crooks. It’s a Win-Win, we love those.
PINAS: Printing Is Not A Solution
Dedicated to reversing the outrageous trend of casually printing however much money is required to float the spending boat, the acronym’s resemblance to PENIS emphasizes that the political and commercial ne’er-do-wells who have resorted to this flimflam are, indeed, pricks.
ETA: Execute Traitors Always
Recycling the acronym for Estimated Time of Arrival speaks to Green, and is expected to soften the harsh but necessary edge of Capital Punishment.
MU: Man Up
More of a sentiment than an agency, this is spat with contempt at those who balk at executing Traitors, whilst technically complying with the Minister of Civility’s directive to quit swearing.
